An 808 way of life

More of the office party countdown: Top 10 not-to-do’s.

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We’re not having an office party, but for those who will step into the light of holiday cheer around colleagues, here is my advice:

10. Dress like your a loser:  Company parties mean you put your best foot forward, and for many of you, like your job depends on it. Dress for the job you want, not the one you have. But don’t overdress and make your boss look shabby.

9. Loose Lips: Sink a ship and your career fast with a few ill-chosen words. Have an upbeat attitude about the company and employees. Above all else, refrain from the obvious suck up.

8. Using racist, sexist, or other offensive language: “Fool.” If you people turn up the racist channel, move to another dance floor. Or, just excuse yourself and get some fresh air.

7. Hanky-panky: Dipping pens in company ink is inappropriate any time of the year and even more so when you’re in the midst of a party.  Keep your hands and comments to yourself.

6. Poor manners:  If you drink and drive you will be caught! Good manners will not keep you out of jail. Poor manners at the party — shoutin’ out blah-dity-blahs or inappropriate behavior can torpedo your career. Heck, just a lack of manners can chip away at its foundation. Greet people appropriately, introduce your date, and eat properly.

5. Failing to prep your date: Make sure your date follows the rules and has the same goal in mind — maintain your career status! If our date is too flashy or frumpy, you’ll get dinged. Alert your date to the important players and don’t gossip.

4. Mistreating boss’ spouse or partner: Does this need more detail? An invitation to a slow dance is not appropriate.

3. Ignoring upper management: When they exist, they exist.  Don’t approach bosses if at all inebriated.

2. Not showing up: Oooops. Every boss notices an absence. If you plan on being somewhere else – ALERT the boss well in advance.

1. Too much drinkage: This is a classic mistake. Alcohol loosens inhibitions, and is the number one cause of the dreaded ‘Foot in Mouth’ disease. If you feel that you’ve had enough, duck out before you say something stupid. And remember, “buzzed driving is drunk driving. And you will be caught.”

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3 responses

  1. Jacob

    there was some crazy nakedness in our office party – most of it was fat though.

    December 24, 2008 at 4:36 pm

  2. John C.

    Fat is out Jacob, just pretend it’s more to hang onto. Party on dude.

    December 24, 2008 at 4:36 pm

  3. Deborah

    SOme of us are a little more round than others but that’s not a pleasant thing to say about office co-workers who eat too much, have big butts or are otherwise disgusting.

    December 24, 2008 at 4:38 pm

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